JOKE!

[Orion]

I have just checked my household insurance policy.

Apparently if my duvet is stolen in the middle of the night I am not covered.

[Orion]

Somebody ripped the fifth month out of my calendar. I'm dismayed!

[Orion]

Cowboys would put a lantern on their saddle at night so they could find the trail when they were far from home.

This was early Saddle Light Navigation.

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Apparently, ornithologists find that owls prefer to mate in summer.
In winter when it is cold and wet it's 'too wet to woo'.

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

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[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Here's local joke I made up about the renewal of the intersection of Scenic Highway 72 and Coach and Tipladys road just to the SE of Geraldine.
Amazing improvement to that intersection but I found that, the renewal of that intersection was done in a roundabout way sic

[Simon Culling]

Irish jokes seem to persist, but perhaps the reason has now gone. In the last fifty years, Ireland has gone from having much lower living standards than the UK to being quite a long way ahead nowadays. Perhaps the jokes should now be aimed at us Brits?

Anyway, here is another I heard recently:

Two Irish lads, Paddy and Saemus, were working for the local county council. Paddy would dig a hole and Seamus would follow him and fill the hole in.
They worked along one side of Liffey Street in Dublin and then down the other. They then moved to the next street and did the same, working flat out all day without stopping. One digging the holes, the other lad filling them in.

A passer-by saw what they were doing and was amazed at the hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were at. So, he shouted over to the lad digging the holes, ‘I don’t get it – why do you dig a hole, only for the other lad to fill it in?

Paddy wiped his brow and sighed deeply, ‘Well, I suppose it probably does looks a bit odd. You see, we’re normally a three-man team, but today the lad who plants the trees phoned in sick.'

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Irish jokes seem to persist, but perhaps the reason has now gone. In the last fifty years, Ireland has gone from having much lower living standards than the UK to being quite a long way ahead nowadays. Perhaps the jokes should now be aimed at us Brits?

or even the USA, since Donald Trump took over the presidency in 2016?

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

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[Orion]

Little known fact:

Richard Gere's dad, Gottler, was a famous Swedish ventriloquist.

[Orion]

A man who has trained his dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground reported that he went from Barking to Tooting in just over an hour.

[Orion]

Fishy story:

Koi fish always travel in groups of four. If attacked, Koi A, B and C will scatter leaving behind the D Koi.

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

My uncle has left me a stately home in his will.
I don't know where Sod Hall is but I'm delighted.

[Orion]

I find it hard to believe that bears made porridge and the only thing wrong with it was the temperature

[Orion]

I went to a restaurant. It was full. There was no place to sit and the wait was over thirty minutes, so I took out my phone, put it to my ear and said loudly "Hey, get over here! She's here with someone else!"

Six couples got up and quickly left.

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Gilbert O'Sullivan went to the bank the other day.
The reason why he went there was because he wanted a lone again naturally.

[Orion]

My friend's wife left him last week.
She told him she was going out for milk and never came back.
I asked him how he was coping.
He said, "Not bad. I've been using some of that powdered stuff."

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Travelling down a highway in England many years ago I noticed there was a lot of paper on the road.
It was the A4.

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Why were the supporters of the Spanish women's soccer team blown away by their win in the world cup final against England ?
They had a lot of fans.

[Orion]

Wind chimes are made from the metallic bones of robots that tried but failed to overthrow us.
Hang them outside your house as a warning to others.

[Orion]

" Sometimes I shock myself with the smart stuff I say & do.

Then, there are times when I try to get out of the car with my seatbelt on "

[Orion]

Q. How many [political party] supporters does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None... Government says it's done and everyone claps in the dark.

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

What is Robinson Crusoe's least favourite colour?
Maroon

[Orion]

I don't want to brag but I finished my 14-day diet in three hours

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Apparently, there is a Prince's cover band doing Prince's numbers.
They are called Reprints.