JOKE!

[Storm Struck]

A duck walks into a Chemist and grabs a packet of condoms then takes it to the counter.
The shopkeeper asks '' do you want that on your bill''?.
The duck replies '' no what do you think i am a dickhead''.
/
Two blondes walk into a bar think one would notice.
/
A red head,a breunette,and a blonde are walking in the desert on a very hot day.
The red head dying and needing something cool says '' if you could pick one thing to have right now that would cool you down what would it be''?.
The breunette says '' ohh thats easy a cold drink of water''.
The Red head says '' id have a chilli bin full of ice''.
The blonde says '' I will have a car door''.
The breunette and the Red head look at eachother strangly '' a door why a door''?.
The blonde Replies '' duh so I can wind the window down when it gets hot''.

Cheers
Jason.

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

A white horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.
The barman is astonished.
Fancy a white horse asking for a whisky, he thinks.
The barman says to the horse, "Did you know that there is a whisky named after you?"
The horse looked perplexed and said, "I've never heard of a whisky called Eric".

JohnGaul
NZTS

[squid]

hehe good ones

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Did you hear about the meteorologist gentleman who went to the psychiatrist clad only in a pair of glad-wrap shorts?
The psychiatrist said, "I can easily see your nuts"

JohnGaul
NZTS

[Storm Struck]

Two fish in a tank.
One says to the other '' how do you drive this thing''.
Cheers
Jason.

[squid]

ROFL!!!

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Two NIWA scientists (who are cannibals) are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

JohnGaul
NZTS

[Thunder]

From Dilbert

Ciao

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

There was this blonde meteorologist driving down the road in her Ford Capri when all of a sudden it stated missing, back-firing and eventually it was firing only on 3 cylinders. She managed to get the car to the garage for a mechanic to have a look at it.
The mechanic fixes it in 2 minutes. "What's was wrong?" she asks. "Just **** in the filter" he says.
"How often do I have to do that?" the blonde meteorologist replies.

JohnGaul
NZTS

[Inny Binny]

That's probably the best one on this thread!

[David]

[gllitz]

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive
woman waving at him. She says hello.

He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he
knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever
been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the
stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???"

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I'm your son's
teacher."

[Andrew Massie]

Edward Longshanks (Edward I of England) comes to Scotland to conquer
the Scots. He brings 4,000 men with him. As he nears the battlefield there
suddenly appears a solitary figure on the crest of the hill.

A short ginger-haired guy in a kilt, "Hammer o' the Scots?" yells the wee
Scottish guy on the hill. "Come up here, ya English bastards, and I'll give ye a hammerin'!"

Edward turns to his commander. "Send 20 men to deal with that little
Scottish upstart, there's a good chap!", he says. The commander sends
twenty of his best men over the hill to kill the Scotsman.

Ten minutes later, at the crest of the hill,the little Scot appears
again. "Ya English diddies !", he yells. "Come on the rest of ye!! Come on,
I'll have ye all !" Edward is getting somewhat annoyed. He turns to his commander.
"Send 100 men to kill that little guttersnipe!" The commander sends a hundred men
over the hill to do the job.

Ten minutes later, the little Scot appears at the top of the hill once
more, his hair all sticking up, his shirt a wee bit torn. "Ya English SCUM!",
he yells. "I'm just warming up!! Come and get me, ya English shite !!"

Edward losses patience. "Commander, take 400 men and personally WIPE
HIM OFF THE EARTH!", he yells. The commander gulps, but leads four hundred
men on horseback over the crest of the hill.

Ten minutes later, the little Scotsman is back. His clothing is all torn,
his face is covered in blood, snot and Irn-Bru. "Is that the best ye can do???

You're bloody WUMMIN!!! Come on!! Come and have a go ya bunch of Jessies!!!", he yells.

Edward turns to his second in command. "Take 1000 men over that hill
and don't come back till you've killed him!" he commands. The second in
command gathers the men and they ride off over the hill to their fate.
Ten minutes later, one of the English troops appears back at the top of
the hill. He's covered in blood and his clothes are all torn.


"Your Majesty!! he yells.
"It's a trap!!! There's TWO of them!!!

[RWood]

Very good - is that an insight into why the Scots are so delusional about their sporting prowess?

[Andrew Massie]

Very good - is that an insight into why the Scots are so delusional about their sporting prowess?

Probably! I like this joke in particular as I'm short, stocky, with red hair and scottish heritage!

[RWood]

I have about 3/8 Scottish ancestry - mostly MacGregors, who I suspect had their good share of rogues.

[Andrew Massie]

I have about 3/8 Scottish ancestry - mostly MacGregors, who I suspect had their good share of rogues.

That makes us related! My Great Grandmother was a MacGregor!

Ne'er trrrust a Campbell!

[RWood]

Oh yes - we lost land to that lot. A friend occasionally mentions his MacDonald links, though not very seriously.

But yes - a great joke. I have to admit another 3/8 is from south of the border!

[Andrew Massie]

Oh yes - we lost land to that lot. A friend occasionally mentions his MacDonald links, though not very seriously.

But yes - a great joke. I have to admit another 3/8 is from south of the border!

GASP! dinna be sayin tha' roound herrre!

[TokWW]

Aye'd be agreeein w'yer... Sutherland (surname), McLachlan, McPhee... 'n arrr won't mentshin t'other un...

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

What do you call a dog with a walnut on his head?

JohnGaul
NZTS

[David]

What do you call a dog with a walnut on his head?

John Gaul??

[David]

Windows 95

Anyone out there who still has windows 95 - its just a game.

Evolution of man

Scientists never thought of this one, yet it is so true

source: http://www.ahajokes.com/funny_cartoons.html

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

What do you call a dog with a walnut on his head?

John Gaul??

An Afgan hound.

JohnGaul
NZTS

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

What's the difference between the All Blacks and a tea-bag?
The Tea-bag stays longer in the cup.

What type of bra size does an All Black wear?
Ones with a lot of support and no cup.

What is the difference between and arsonist and the All Blacks?
An arsonist dosen't waste the first 5 matches.

What is the difference between the Milford Track and the All Blacks?
Not many people have walked over the Milford Track.

JohnGaul
NZTS