JOKE!

[Inny Binny]

[gllitz]

What's the difference between the All Blacks and a tea-bag?
The Tea-bag stays longer in the cup.

What type of bra size does an All Black wear?
Ones with a lot of support and no cup.

What is the difference between and arsonist and the All Blacks?
An arsonist only needs the first 5 matches.

JohnGaul
NZTS

What do you call a Kiwi at the Final of the Rugby World Cup?

The ref.

What do you call 22 men watching the Final of the Rugby World Cup on TV?

The All Blacks.

[janewaystv]

I have about 3/8 Scottish ancestry - mostly MacGregors, who I suspect had their good share of rogues.

That makes us related! My Great Grandmother was a MacGregor!

Ne'er trrrust a Campbell!

Hey , my uncle, aunty and cousins are Campbells (Invercargill/Southland) - uncle's side. One of my mates last name is MacDonald and boy does he love his beer , My boss is Scottish, really hard to understand what's he saying sometimes as his accent is so strong

[Andrew Massie]

Hey , my uncle, aunty and cousins are Campbells (Invercargill/Southland) - uncle's side. One of my mates last name is MacDonald and boy does he love his beer , My boss is Scottish, really hard to understand what's he saying sometimes as his accent is so strong

Nooo! Here's a wee snippet of scottish history:

1692 - The Massacre of Glencoe. Clan Campbell, siding with the King (William of Orange), coldly murders members of Clan MacDonald. This act of savagery begins years of feuding in Scotland.

From: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/events/scotl ... 306837.stm

I'm sure we can be friends but not BEST friends!

[janewaystv]

, I've learnt something new about the "Campbell" clan , emailed it to my uncle, yet to get a response back , sounds very much like the Oz's vs Kiwi's at sporting events - thats when all mateships cease

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Did you hear about the meteorologist clad only in a pair of glad-wrap shorts, who went and saw the psychologist?
He said " I can clearly see, your nuts"

JohnGaul
NZTS

[David]

Did you hear about the meteorologist clad only in a pair of glad-wrap shorts, who went and saw the psychologist?
He said " I can clearly see, your nuts"

You've had that one several times before - you've run out of laughs?

[Storm Struck]

A pirate walks up to a bar to get himself a peint of beer.
The barman asks "why have you got a steering wheel stuck to your cruch".
The pirate says " arrrrrrrrr i knw its driving me nuts.


Cheers
Jason.

[David]

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were stranded on an island 20 miles from the shore. The brunette said "I'm going to try to swim to shore". So she confidently swam out, but she got tired 10 miles out and could not go on, and she drowned.

A while later the redhead said "I wonder if she made it. I suppose its better to swim to the mainland than to stay here and starve to death." So she swam out, and being tougher than the brunette, she swam for 15 miles, and then couldn't go on. And so she too drowned.

Later, the blonde, wondering why no help had come, decided to try to swim to the mainland as well. She made it 5 miles, then 10miles, and was still swimming after 15 miles. After 19 miles the shore was in sight. "I'm too tired to continue!" she groaned.

So she turned around and swam back.

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Did you hear about the meteorologist who become a gynaecologist?

He prefered a different job that was looking up!

JohnGaul
NZTS

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Did you hear about the 2 meteorologists who stole a calendar?

They both got 6 months!

JohnGaul
NZTS

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Police arrested two metoerologists yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.

JohnGaul
NZTS

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Why did the one armed meteorlologist cross the road?
He wanted to go to the second hand shop

JohnGaul
NZTS

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

This joke is rather sick.

2 vomits were walking down the road one day when all of a sudden, one of the vomits became all emotional and started crying.
"Whats up, my friend?" said one of the vomits to the other.
"Hey,I feel kinda emotional because this is the place where I was brought up" said the other.

JohnGaul
NZVS

[03Stormchaser]

What do you call a dog with one leg??


Heather!

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

A meteorologist was driving down the road one day on his way home from Kelburn.
He passed a sign saying "The Sisters of Saint Anne. House of Prostitution. 4 Kms ahead"
Not taking much notice, he kept on driving.
Another 3Kms down the road he passed another sign saying "The Sisters of Saint Anne. House of Prostitution. 1 Km ahead"
Not taking much notice he came up to an intersection which had a big sign with an arrow pointing left that said "The Sisters of Saint Anne. House of Prostitution, 100 meters down the road".
Curious the meteorologist, thought "Immm, interesting, I might check this place out", so he turns left and drives down the road and comes across this lovely 400 years old convent, with a big sign outside "The Sisters of Saint Anne. House of Prostitution"
He goes in and knocks on the door. The Mother Superior answers and the meteorologist asks "Is this, the convent of the sisters of Saint Anne, I'm curious to know why you call this place a House of Prostitution?"
Mother Superior leads him away to a door where another nun, Sister Beatrice is holding a silver cup. "Put $100 in this silver cup and then go through the door". The meteorologist puts $100 into the silver cup and opens the door and walks through but it is the car-park at the back of the convent. Curiously he wanders around and then comes across a sign, which reads "You Have Just been Screwed by the Sisters of Saint Anne"

JohnGaul
NZTS

[RWood]

Calling all Scotsmen:

Always use good English...

A man's cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn.

Game keeper shouts ' Dinnae drink thon water min, its foo o' coo's shite ‘n pish.’

Man replies 'My good fellow, I'm English .....repeat that in English'.

Gamekeeper replies 'i said use both hands - you get more that way'

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Do you know how, really, the Grand Canyon was formed????
A Scotsman looking for a 5 cent coin !!!!!!

JohnGaul
NZTS

[TokWW]

Calling all Scotsmen:

Always use good English...

A man's cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn.

Game keeper shouts ' Dinnae drink thon water min, its foo o' coo's shite ‘n pish.’

Man replies 'My good fellow, I'm English .....repeat that in English'.

Gamekeeper replies 'i said use both hands - you get more that way'

That rocked me in the chair... Thanks!!!

[Glasses fogged up]

It was early in October,,,

and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.
When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the weather was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But being a practical leader, he also went to the phone booth, called the national weather service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the national weather service again.
"Does it still look like it is going to be a cold winter?"

"Yes," the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

And the chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later the chief called again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied, "It's looking more and more like it's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the chief asked.


The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy....."

[Glasses fogged up]

Do you know how, really, the Grand Canyon was formed????
A Scotsman looking for a 5 cent coin !!!!!!

John - I'm afraid you've got that wrong.
The Dutch claim that one. Invented the copper thread when fighting over a (then) 5c coin.

[Ryan Thomas]

It was early in October,,,

and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.
When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the weather was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.

But being a practical leader, he also went to the phone booth, called the national weather service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later he called the national weather service again.
"Does it still look like it is going to be a cold winter?"

"Yes," the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

And the chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later the chief called again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied, "It's looking more and more like it's going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the chief asked.


The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy....."

Ahahahaa gotta love jokes like that

[Lawrence]

Here's one

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice,

"Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.

"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaking little voice:

"The big wuss."!!!!

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Did you hear about Helena Rubenstein?

Apparently, Max Factor.

JohnGaul
NZTS

[03Stormchaser]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Heather Mills joke thread -
http://board.dogbomb.co.uk/showthread.php?t=45245

Mrs Mills- McCartney is said to be distraught over the split "He has
been my crutch for so long!!" She said in an earlier briefing, "I have
no idea why this has happened, I'm stumped"

"She's running around in circles", according to a close friend, "she
will need all the support she can get its not like its easy to walk out
on a relationship like this"

It is not known whether a pre-nuptial agreement was signed prior to the
marriage, Paul McCartney is one of the richest men in the world amassing
a colossal wealth due to his participation with The Beatles and
subsequent musical collaborations, if an agreement hasn't been signed it
is believed that she won't have a leg to stand on

Rumours abound over the split have suggested that infidelity may have
been the cause. "She's terrible" a source stated, "always trying to get
her leg over".

Another source has suggested that her battle with alcoholism was the
cause. "Macca couldn't handle it anymore" a friend said "he would get
home at night and find her legless"

Many have attributed this to a problem which started with the present
that Paul had got prior to the wedding; he gave her a new prosthetic leg
for Christmas but that was just a stocking-filler. The main gift was a
plane but then he gave her a Ladyshave for the other leg.