JOKE!

[Glasses fogged up]

arrrgh, i have just come across http://www.weatherimages.org/wxhumor.html.. it has MY joke
Ah well, here it is, to peruse, if you ever feel bored with the weather (as if!) or are doodling

[03Stormchaser]

Why did the Chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicke n to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure – right from Day One! – that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before! adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this c hicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra…#@&&^(C%..........reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

[Storm Struck]

On a chicken farm in Minnesota a farmer is aiming to get more eggs for the coming season but is having difficulty doing so.
He is frustrated that the 100 chickens are only giving 5 eggs a day, so he walks out and flicks the lights on then off again.
He notices the chickens have layed a few extra the next day, so he flicks the lights on and off again to see what happens and sure enough the chickens would have more and more eggs.
Because chickens only lay when the sun comes up this was why.
So he created a system where the lights would flicker on and off every 10 minutes for about 3 hours, and it sure worked he was getting up to 7,0000 eggs a day great production rate for him indeed.
One night the power went out During a Violent Thunderstorm with continuous LIGHTNING!!!!.
The next day the chickens were blown to pieces and egg yolk everywhere .
Cheers
Jason.

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Did you here about the egg that was arrested in Dublin?

He was walking down the street with his yolk hanging out!

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

A man went to heaven.
On arriving at the 'Pearly Gates', he noted behind St. Peter, a line of clocks.
Curious, he asked St Peter, what are those clocks for.
Saint Peter said that they were Lie Clocks, which everyone has.
He showed the man the clock of Mother Theresa, which never moved, showing that she had never told a lie in her lifetime.
He then showed him the clock of Sir Edmind Hilliary. Sadly it had moved 3 times, so it is obvious he told a few fibs in his lifetime.
Then he showed him the lie clock of Sir Robert Muldoon. It had moved, quite a several times during his time in office as Prime Minister of New Zealand in the 1970s and 1980s.
Very interested this man was, said, "Well I know he is still alive, but where is Winston Peters clock?"
St. Peter said, "The boss upstairs is using it as a ceiling fan"

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Why did the brunette throw some bread crumbs into the toilet?

She wanted to feed the toilet duck.

[Storm Struck]

A young man walks into parliment and towards the dront desk where a gaurd is on stand by.
The gaurd steps in front of him "what can i do for you sir" asks the gaurd, the man replies "i would like to speak to Helen Clark the priminster thanks ".
The gaurd looked strangly at him and says " sorry but Helen Clark is no longer the prime minister", so the young man goes away.
Another week later he comes back in and the same gaurd stops him " what can i do you for this time" asks the gaurd, " I want to see the Priminister Helen Clark please".
The gaurd replies again " I told you last time Helen Clark is not the Prime Minister anymore" , so the young man smiles at him and just about walks away when the gaurd stops him again to say.
" Why do you keep asking the same question" , He replies " because i just wanted to hear someone say that to me".

Irish Joke....

James who lived with his two brothers in a house in Dublin were all quite into thier drinking together just like friends do.
One day James brothers left the house to move overseas while James stayed in Dublin.
One Saturday night James went to the local pub and asked the barman for 3 pints of beer, the barman asks " why three pints there is nobody else with you" ?.
James replies " ohh my brothers have moved overseas one to America and the other to Australia so we decided every Saturday night we would have a pint of beer each to drink in celebration even though we were so far apart".
"Fair enough" says the barman and he pours three pints of beer for him.
James becomes a regular at the local pub and every Saturday for up to 3 months he goes in and orders the same.
One Saturday he goes in and asks the barman for just two pints of beer, all the locals in the pub went silent.
The barman says " I am so sorry for the loss of your brother here have these two pints on the house ".
James laughs for a few seconds before saying " ohh no no my brothers havnt died ive just given up drinking ".


Cheers
Jason.

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

There was this man who went to Edam in Holland.
Sadly the cheeses were made backwards.

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Why did the blonde apply for a job in MetService?
She thought she was a model.

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Why did the blonde apply for a job at NIWA?

[Storm Struck]

Why did the blonde apply for a job at NIWA?

JohnGaul
NZThS

Because the blonde thought NIWA stood for Nutritional Independent Womans Asociation.

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Why did the blonde meteorologist only put on one gumboot, when she went to check the level of the water in the flood?
She didn't have to put the other one on because she reckoned the level of the water would only be one foot deep.

[tgsnoopy]

A blonde had been out storm chasing with her boyfriend and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.

The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened.

So she blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?'

The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'

[tgsnoopy]

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

They had gone to see "Closed for the Winter."

[Storm Struck]

Two Australian businessmen in Sydney were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store.

As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other,
'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his
Face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Kiwi walked to the window, had a peek, and asked

'What might you be selling here?'

One of the men replied sarcastically,

'We're selling a*sholes.'

Without skipping a beat, the Kiwi said,

'You're doing well ... Only two left!'

[Lacertae]

Good one !!!

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

What did the bra say to the hat?

You go on ahead and I''ll give these 2 a lift.

[jrj]

British weather now known as Muslim weather: often Sunni but mostly Shi'ite

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

What do you call a line of men outside a hairdressers?

A barber queue.

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

What did one earthquake say to the other?

That's not my fault.

[Lacertae]

[Storm Struck]

This Dwarf walks into a bar and asks for a beer in a shitty mood, the bartender gives him the beer then asks why are you so unhappy today?.
He replies, " ohh im pissed off i went out last night and met this nice lady, we then went back to hers to shag etc when there was this really loud knock on the door".
" She said to me to quickly hide or vacate the room as it could be her big ex boyfriend, so i jumped out the window hanging onto the ledge i didnt want to make any noise".
"When suddenly i heard them getting it on" the barman says " ohh that would piss you off ".
" No that didnt piss me off, then the ex comes to the window and pisses out it and all over me".
"Then no longer after that she comes to the window and pukes out it with spew running down me"
Then the ex comes and closes the window crushing my hands with blood pissing down my arms".
The barman says " ohh mate thats a really **** night it would piss you off heres a free drink "
He replies, " No that didnt piss me off" well what did piss you off then replies the barman?
The dwarf says " i was about 30cm off the ground ".

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Where do earthquakes go on holiday?

To Faulty Towers of course

[Lacertae]

To Farty Towels you mean ? Or may be Flowery Twats ?

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

Why did the man tie his watch-strap and watch around his tummy?

He wanted to waist time