JOKE!

[Orion]

My friend says that since it's been snowing all his wife has done is stare through the window. He says that if it gets any worse he will just have to let her in.

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

What did they find when they dug up the remains of the late DeForrest Kelly from the SciFi series "Space Trek" ?

Bones

[Orion]

Based upon the quantity of pottery fragments alone, the Roman Empire must be the clumsiest empire that history has ever known.

[Orion]

My friend tells me that he has some racing geese for sale and wants to know whether or not I want to take a quick gander.

[Orion]

Pathetic health system!

I'm currently in A&E.

Got covered in camouflage paint in a spillage.

Four hours and I still haven't been seen.

[Orion]

My friend tells me that the Inland Revenue people are very kind, they wrote to tell him that his tax return was "outstanding" even though he cannot even remember sending it in.

[Orion]

The man who invented throat lozenges died last week.

There was no coffin at his funeral.

[Simon Culling]

I think this is an old one from his first term in office, but still makes me chuckle............unlike the real thing.

On the night of his inauguration, Donald Trump is visited by three ghosts.

Early in the night, Franklin D Roosevelt appears in a vision. When Trump asks him how he can make America great again, FDR replies “Think only of the people; do not make laws based on hatred, bigotry, or with the thought of lining your own pockets.” Trump’s face immediately sours, and he yells “FAKE NEWS! at the ghost”

A few hours later, he is awakened by George Washington’s ghost. Trump again asks “how can I make America great again?” Washington replies “I would suggest you never tell a lie”, which infuriates The Donald more than FDR.

Around three in the morning, he is visited by the ghost of Abraham Lincoln. This time he implores “how can I make America great again?”. Lincoln responds, “go to the theater.”

[Orion]

What do you know about atoms?

Very little.

Yes, but apart from that?

[Simon Culling]

A weather related Trump joke:

What was Donald Trump's response when asked to respond to Hurricane Florence?

Pay her the same as Stormy Daniels!!!!

[NZ Thunderstorm Soc]

It's strange that there is not one canary on the Canary Islands ?
Apparently there are no canaries on the Virgin Islands either !

[Orion]

A surgeon, an architect and a politician were arguing as to whose profession was the oldest.
Said the surgeon: “Eve was made from Adam’s rib and that surely was a surgical operation!”
“Maybe”, said the architect, “but prior to that, order was created out of chaos, and that was an architectural job.”
“But”, interrupted the politician proudly, “somebody must have created the chaos!”